Week 10 & Week 11: Those Little Ah Ha Moments...

Quote of the Week: "Courage is being afraid, but going on anyhow."

Journaling the Last Week:

Woah, check it out!! Love comparing each week to week one! :)

I am super excited about how progress is going. At times I find myself wishing it were faster, more. But then, like tonight, I see my photos side by side and am genuinely proud of what I have accomplished so far and what I will continue to accomplish in the days/weeks/months ahead.

I'm gonna get real here tonight. Never assume people who struggle with their weight are lazy or just eat poorly. This is often not the case. They know they have a problem and it runs deep. They wish with everything in them that things were different. They often don't have the courage to make a change. Yes, this change requires courage. Because choosing to lose weight means making yourself visible again. It means breaking down the walls and tearing off the masks you have made and worn to hide from the world. It takes a kind of courage far greater than one could imagine. It means allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It means taking risks. It means learning to love yourself, regardless. My weight is something I have struggled with for many years, but am only just now realizing how paralyzed I had become because of it. I know this might sound trite, but never assume anything about a someone who struggles with their weight. It is so much more than pounds or appearance. Thankfully, I have begun to find the courage to love myself again and make a change.

Recently I have found myself, stoping dead in my tracks and taking in the moment, feeling victorious. These ah ha moments keep me going when the road ahead seems still so long and difficult. A few ah ha realizations I have had over the last week or two:

1. Apparently I have dimples. I have enjoyed looking at pictures of myself over the last few weeks and seeing dimples in my smile. Who knew? Either I had dimples all along that I have somehow forgotten about, or the skin on my face is sagging from the weight loss in such a way that it has created dimples. Either way, I am liking it.

2. When you are overweight, arms are just awkward. You sit in a chair without a table in front of you and you do not know what to do. You can't quite relax them in your lap cause your stomach gets in the way or the width of your upper ams prevents you from being able to join your hands in your lap. And due to the extra weight in your backside, the arm rests are always just out of reach for resting arms on. So you end up folding your arms across your chest which just makes you look like you are in a perpetual state of disinterest. I can happily say now, I can sit and place my arms in my lap. I know, it's the little things that are cause for celebration.

3. Much like the arm scenario, when you are overweight, chairs are awkward. The extra weight being carried in your backside tends to elevate you in your chair a bit more than intended. This makes sitting at a table awkward. You cannot relax your arms (see above) and you cannot lean on the table because it is just too far below your reach. So again, you are left folding your arms, looking all disgruntled. At class tonight, I shared with my cohort that I was celebrating in the fact that I realized this was the first class session I felt comfortable sitting at the tables. YAY!

4. New job new me. It occurred to me this week that this is the lowest weight I have ever been since taking this new job a little over a year ago. Kind of exciting to think all my new coworkers and friends are actually seeing a "new me".

5. Can we look back at the second sentence in #1 above? (just now I had an ah ha moment!) I actually said, "I have enjoyed looking at pictures of myself"!! WHAT!?!?! Truthfully, I have avoided taking pictures of myself for the last several years (I know, it is suddenly clicking and you are now thinking, "Oh, that's why all the photos of her feet"). I have really struggled being comfortable in my own skin. Every picture I saw of myself, I had a long list of things I was unhappy about. I changed social media settings so that I had to approve any pictures people posted of me because I was terrified of what I might look like. On more than one occasion, I have cried over a photo wondering how I could let things get this far out of hand. And tonight, I actually said, "I HAVE ENJOYED LOOKING AT PICTURES OF MYSELF!" Huh, taking a moment to let that one sink in. It is truly a happy evening, one I didn't think would ever happen.

6. I am laughing and enjoying social situations again. Much like with photos, I have avoided or not cared much about being in the social scene. During such situations I would spend the entire time VERY uncomfortable. Instead of enjoying the company of friends, I would spend the entire time wondering what people were thinking, if they were judging me, feeling uncomfortable in my clothes, feeling underdressed or not fitting in (due to my size), worried someone would want a group picture, etc. Basically, what should be an enjoyable, fun and fulfilling experience was essentially my worst nightmare. While I do still need to find that courage to take a risk, I am doing it and it is much more enjoyable.

Grateful for these little/big ah ha moments. They motivate me to continue on, be courageous, make a change, and love myself. Until next week...

End of Week Stats:

Steps Taken Last Two Weeks: 122,973 steps
Steps Taken Total: 651,985 steps

Distance Walked Last Two Weeks53.1 miles
Distance Walked Total: 281.61 miles

Weight Lost Last Two Weeks: 4.9 pounds
Weight Lost Total: 33.2 pounds

Inches Lost Last Two Weeks: 3.75 inches
Inches Lost Total: 25.8 inches

BMI Decrease Last Two Weeks0.9
BMI Decrease Total: 5.9

Photo Progress: 

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